I'm in such a fit of passion right now I feel that I could pass out if I don't scribble my thoughts out here! No time for explanations! I'll do that later! I just have one question. (That's a lie, I have ten million.)
If God accepts those who have faith in Him, and if faith is, by definition, a belief in something for which one has no physical proof, then are those who passionately seek proof of God and question the universe cursed by God for not believing blindly in His existence?
Are we really subject to a higher order over which we have no control? Are we cursed for thinking? Are we cursed for questioning? Surely faith is a beautiful thing. It's often the central drive of a person's soul. But why?
Jesus said that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to "such as these", the children who wanted to see Jesus but whom the disciples tried to hold back in the crowd. He said another time that if one had the faith of a mustard seed, he could move mountains. I'm not exactly quoting verbatim here, but bear with me.
If faith is so simple, so easily attained by anyone, then in what category does God place those who not only have faith, but who have questions?
I feel like I'm being so incredibly redundant! Language is such an inhibitor!
If I could just show you...If I could capture on camera the stars tonight...That's what prompted my thoughts. I was lying on an old towel out under the stars in our driveway. We live out in the country on seven acres and the street lights and house lights near us fortunately are not bright enough to dim the stars. I see thousands of them...thousands of burning, luminary objects. I was driving home tonight with a friend of mine whose car has a sunroof. We opened it, and I stared up at those gods who so carefully protect each wish cast upon them. They're tangible. That's what gets me. I could really touch those stars...I'm just too far away.
It was the glory of the stars that led my thoughts to God. So many...so beautiful.
The stars, I believe, are one of the few things that leave men expressionless. Not a dull lack of expression, but an inability to adequately express the feeling of sanctification they bestow upon a person. When I look at the stars, I feel needed. I feel unified and with purpose. I feel beautiful.
I was thinking about the word universe tonight. The word universe begins with the prefix uni. I'm no etymologist, but uni typically means one, or to be unified in some way. We think of the universe as being separate from us, because our world is so present in our lives - the ground we walk, the creatures we encounter, the atmosphere we breathe - and we look up at night and see the stars and we think that they're foreign. But what are we to the stars?? We are just as foreign! So where then is the basis for normality among the planets and stars and rock dust in outer space? Where is the platform by which we measure normality if everything is equally different or equally the same? Why is it outer space, just because we don't have ready access to explore it in person? Why do we separate ourselves from the cosmos when we make up the cosmos?
If I am cursed, so be it. I see God in the stars, and I have faith. I see God in the stars, and I have questions. I cannot see God himself, and I doubt Him, but I do not doubt the stars...and yet I cannot touch the stars, and have never held a star in my hands...I have a horrible belief system.
I'm through. To hell with neat conclusions. I'm going back out to look at the stars.
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