There are certain defenses in our mind. Certain barriers that we build in our subconscious. We are usually unaware of their presence. But they exist.
Tapping into the subconscious mind is not only difficult- it can be painful once your conscience alerts you that the defenses have been breached. Emotions kick in. Confusion escalates. But why? Where did these subconscious defenses come from? Do they originate in the soul? Or are they hidden neurons in your brain that have gone mad?
I locked it away in the box. Susan. You locked it away in the box.
Right here, right now, stop. I dreamed this. I've seen this before. I swear I've been here, looking at these words on this screen, listening to this music, typing...
Am I mad? Am I being influenced by the sound waves penetrating my ear drums and floating through my head? Influence. Madness. Everyone is mad in their own way. You are mad. We will all go into the attic one day. Age is not tolerated. Age is put away in the homes and the "facilities." Do we go madder with age? What if age sees the Earth more clearly? What if age is overwhelmed by its own experience of life and cannot express the grief and the joy that have been thrust into its existence...so age goes mad. What will I be when I have aged?
I wrote on April 13th-
Pouring from my pores
Seeping through the sin-stained ligaments
No tears in my eye
No tears in the treacherous corners
Where sadness cannot hide
No, it is inside
Inside this radiant shuttle of life
Dimmed by the shadows
Cast from on high
The righteous look down
They pity, frown
But from the depths of the Earth
Springs new life
Beautiful and self-inspired
This is why I cry"
I am not mad. I burn with passion.
Let me burn. I do not need saving.